When fear took hold...
Many of you know that I moved to Colorado in February to work with Indigenous Ministries. But what you may not know is that when I arrived, I was terrified.
May I share with you a little piece of my journey? A piece that I'm not exactly proud of - except that it shows God's loving & faithful character...
I arrived in Colorado February 10, 2014... Trembling.
The past week had been traumatic. I had allowed a little seed to be planted..and then I watered it profusely and before I knew it, I was overcome. This is what happened to me when fear took hold.
When it came right down to the fact of me moving to Colorado I had no idea of the timeline. I thought I would go to India in February and then go back to Michigan for a while to raise my support and THEN move to Colorado. Well, the plan was that I would just stay on in Colorado after India and begin my support raising from there with trips back to Michigan planned out. Well, I missed that memo. In the hustle and bustle and let's just be honest, my EXCITEMENT about India and my new job, the timeline was lost on me. So when the timeline was brought to my attention I kinda freaked out... No, I totally freaked.
I panicked... One thing that totally played into it was the fact that I had not prepared mentally for a move right then and also that I wasn't ready for a 5-8 year commitment. I freaked out. I let fear take hold of my heart and I totally panicked. I freaked out so much that I said no.
I said "No" to my dream job.
I got so scared of the unknowns.
How can I leave my family and friends?
How can I move across the country?
What about finishing school?
What about my family & friends?
Saying no to where God had lead me...to my dream job...what a crazy thing to do... But that's what happens when fear takes hold.
...
Once I was in Colorado the full weight of my decision hit me. I had hurt the the ones I'd be working with and totally let them down. Driving around in Colorado I knew deep within my heart that this place was supposed to be my new home. That THIS was where the Lord was calling me to minister...
what was I doing letting fear stand in the way of following the Lord?
ya know what I did....I changed my mind...
I changed from embracing fear to embracing faith.
...
When I had declared to my family and friends back home in Michigan, "I just can't make this commitment right now...I've got to finish school first." I was responded to with pats on the back and "That's a wise choice." comments. But deep down, when I heard those words...there was pain. A deep pain that knew I was missing something.
I wasn't being wise...I was acting in fear.
But when I told them I had changed my mind...some where crushed... some confused, and others wondered if I was being led by the Spirit or just by my simple whims...
I felt horrible that I had waffled in my decision and caused doubt in other's view of my character/faith.
My faith had wavered.
But I'm gonna tell you a "secret"...my faith still wavers, but my God doesn't
I'm six months into this grand journey and it's still scary. But you wanna know what's changed?
I no longer allow the fear to take hold.
Instead, I take hold of courage.
I take hold of faith.
And I take hold of a God so Mighty that He moves mountains and causes kingdoms to rise and fall.
I cling to the One who made heaven and earth.
He is One who brought me here. and I love being here.
Each day is an adventure.
Each day I must choose courage over doubt.
Each day I must choose faith over fear.
By God's grace I'll continue on in this path.
Serving the Lord in ministry.
Helping needy children and young people around the world.
Sharing the love of Christ.
All for now,
Lou
Ps. 18:29
May I share with you a little piece of my journey? A piece that I'm not exactly proud of - except that it shows God's loving & faithful character...
I arrived in Colorado February 10, 2014... Trembling.
The past week had been traumatic. I had allowed a little seed to be planted..and then I watered it profusely and before I knew it, I was overcome. This is what happened to me when fear took hold.
When it came right down to the fact of me moving to Colorado I had no idea of the timeline. I thought I would go to India in February and then go back to Michigan for a while to raise my support and THEN move to Colorado. Well, the plan was that I would just stay on in Colorado after India and begin my support raising from there with trips back to Michigan planned out. Well, I missed that memo. In the hustle and bustle and let's just be honest, my EXCITEMENT about India and my new job, the timeline was lost on me. So when the timeline was brought to my attention I kinda freaked out... No, I totally freaked.
I panicked... One thing that totally played into it was the fact that I had not prepared mentally for a move right then and also that I wasn't ready for a 5-8 year commitment. I freaked out. I let fear take hold of my heart and I totally panicked. I freaked out so much that I said no.
I said "No" to my dream job.
I got so scared of the unknowns.
How can I leave my family and friends?
How can I move across the country?
What about finishing school?
What about my family & friends?
Saying no to where God had lead me...to my dream job...what a crazy thing to do... But that's what happens when fear takes hold.
...
Once I was in Colorado the full weight of my decision hit me. I had hurt the the ones I'd be working with and totally let them down. Driving around in Colorado I knew deep within my heart that this place was supposed to be my new home. That THIS was where the Lord was calling me to minister...
what was I doing letting fear stand in the way of following the Lord?
ya know what I did....I changed my mind...
I changed from embracing fear to embracing faith.
...
When I had declared to my family and friends back home in Michigan, "I just can't make this commitment right now...I've got to finish school first." I was responded to with pats on the back and "That's a wise choice." comments. But deep down, when I heard those words...there was pain. A deep pain that knew I was missing something.
I wasn't being wise...I was acting in fear.
But when I told them I had changed my mind...some where crushed... some confused, and others wondered if I was being led by the Spirit or just by my simple whims...
I felt horrible that I had waffled in my decision and caused doubt in other's view of my character/faith.
My faith had wavered.
But I'm gonna tell you a "secret"...my faith still wavers, but my God doesn't
I'm six months into this grand journey and it's still scary. But you wanna know what's changed?
I no longer allow the fear to take hold.
Instead, I take hold of courage.
I take hold of faith.
And I take hold of a God so Mighty that He moves mountains and causes kingdoms to rise and fall.
I cling to the One who made heaven and earth.
He is One who brought me here. and I love being here.
Each day is an adventure.
Each day I must choose courage over doubt.
Each day I must choose faith over fear.
By God's grace I'll continue on in this path.
Serving the Lord in ministry.
Helping needy children and young people around the world.
Sharing the love of Christ.
All for now,
Lou
Ps. 18:29
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