Distracted

It's sitting next to you 24 hours a day... always within reach. 

We use it to check the time, and then check it again because we weren't really paying attention the first time. Compulsively scrolling facebook, instagram, or twitter & absent-mindedly 'liking' posts & photos. We post to insta or facebook, or tweet @ twitter, and five seconds later we're checking again to see if someone has 'liked' or a commented. 

Innately we crave social attention - when, isn't all we're doing just building a relationship with images on a screen? … using 'like' buttons and heart emojis… sometimes not truly considering the people they represent.

Or maybe your app of choice is youtube & you lose track of time watching & laughing...  Maybe for you the distraction is Pinterest, or Etsy, or even browsing Amazon - even when you don't really need to buy anything... Let's not get started on the numerous games and tv shows, movies and books that are also available with a swipe or a click. All it takes is a simple tap to be entertained, to be... 

distracted.

Despite what you might be thinking, this really isn't about our phones. It's not even really about the internet.

It's about our need to be constantly entertained. Or as I've personally come to realize - our need to be distracted. But what do we have to be distracted from? Stress. Emotions. Family drama. Work. School. Depression. Loneliness. Past abuse. Daily life. ?

Often the list goes on and on...  as we daily walk through stresses and pains that are woven into our lives... So, instead of dealing -  we escape - to our phones or tvs, our books, or headsets. 

There is something deep within our souls that longs to be answered. Unmet expectations, the sting of loneliness, maybe you didn't get that job, or grade, or perhaps the person you love doesn't love you back.

Normally this is when a well-meaning Christian might offer a tepid and sometimes timid, "Christianese" response … you know kind... The phrase feels trite, and while sometimes true, never really meets the need.

These responses never really satisfy or bring hope to that place we desperately need it. Sometimes we try to believe what we're told - because sometimes it's true - but sometimes it's just not communicated in the way we need it, or we don't hear what was said // So we distract. I distract...

It wasn't too long ago that day to day I was living a distracted life. (I'm still figuring out how to live a truly focused life.)  'Emotions' were some things, including pains from my past, that I just didn't want to deal with. Didn't know how to reconcile these things with who I knew God to be. I had been hurt and I didn't want to be vulnerable ever again… even with God.

Yet, as I grew in my walk with God, He would gently bring these struggles to the surface, and quietly say, "Sarah, it's time to deal with this." And when I was in school, I always had an excuse, "Uh, sorry God, I've got to study - you understand." ...  "Oh, time to stop my quiet time.. It's bed time.. Time to go to work… " you name it & I probably used it as an excuse. When I finished studying I told myself that I had earned some "me time" so I could just veg and watch tv.. But for me the TV on was never enough, I was also normally scrolling Pinterest, or Facebook, or Instagram. Something, anything, to keep me distracted from addressing the pain in my own heart. 

My relationship with God reflected this. At times, I'd be intentional with my walk with God and begin to grow again, I'd begin getting sin out of my life and living in fellowship with Him. And then, like clockwork, He'd bring it up again. "Sarah, it's time to deal with this." He'd gently speak to my heart. But I didn't want to deal with it...

So I'd ignore him and begin down the path of distracted living again. But because I belong to God and He belongs to me, it was a little less far down that path each time I wandered off. Eventually, I'd become restless and discontent with the current state of my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I'd repent again for being the prodigal child and He would gently and lovingly welcome me home. Showing again and again His Great Faithfulness. 

Finally, in the Fall of 2016, I'd been seeking the Lord diligently again and again He brought it to the surface,  "Sarah, it's time to deal with this." And finally I realized, as long as I was pursuing God He would be pursing me and speaking to my heart that this pain must be dealt with. I had to be vulnerable with God. I had to trust Him. 

I'm a pretty stubborn person when I set my mind to it,  so surrender is not easy for me. I'm a little peeved some days to find that the very thing I surrendered to God yesterday is firmly in my grasp today. So, when I finally said, "Yes, Lord." and let Him in.. It began a new daily practice.

I was gripped by fear. I didn't want to let God know all of me. What if He didn't like what He found? What if I didn't like what He found? How could I trust that He would still love me? How I trust him with my deepest fears, desires, and insecurities?

But that night, while thinking and praying this through I realized that this was a battle of wills… and that the God who created a stubbornness in me had an unlimited supply. An unlimited gentle, faithful, and kind stubbornness, with which he pursued me; to know the deepest parts of me. To allow me to know Him and trust Him with my brokenness… My fear. My pain. My vulnerability. He wants it all.

As I surrendered that night, (and again the next morning.. & again & again...) He gently began to peel back the layers and break down the walls I'd securely built up around my heart. Around my life. This was a painful process, but He was (& is) ever so gentle with my brokenness. "He knows our frame.." God was not surprised at my brokenness, my fears, my insecurities, or my sin, and He's not surprised by yours either. I was happy to find out that it is impossible to surprise God. He wasn't surprised with me, and I promise he won't be surprised by you either.

It's impossible to have anything buried too deep for Him to find, and impossible to have a brokenness too broken for Him to heal. He promises that He will "Bind up the brokenhearted and set the captive free!"

I haven't been specific in the challenges I needed to work through (& sometimes find myself still working through) because I don't want you to say in your heart - "that's not my challenge" - "that's not what happened to me" - "you don't know what I've done" and dear Heart, you're right. I don't know what you've done, or what's happened in your life, or what you struggle with, or what fear grips your heart… But I know that it will not surprise our God. And I know that He will meet you where you're at and gently walk with you through it.

How do I know this, you may ask. I know because He's done it for me. I know because He is continually doing this for me, each day He's walking with me through life. I know this because our God is LOVE, and GENTLE, and a Good, Good Father. I know this because our God is TRUSTWORTHY - & if He's done it for me, He will do this for you too. 

For me, distraction was keeping me from a closer walk with God. And for a time I didn't really think I struggled with this. And then I felt like I had gotten over this and moved on - only to find that again, I am dealing with the temptation of distraction.

Life is tough - emotions of stress, depression, or loneliness are often too great for us to bear alone - so don't. Bring it to God. And then share it with a trusted friend who will pray for you and check in on you.

Don't let your distractions keep you from knowing God.

God doesn't want us to live distracted - constantly putting off dealing with the emotions that we feel or the stress or the deep pain we carry. He wants us living intentionally.

Intentionally loving Him and intentionally loving others. "For these are the greatest commandments."

"but love is the greatest of all"

All for now,

Sarah Lou