T*R*U*S*T & O*B*E*D*I*E*N*C*E
I told myself I was bold - that I would be bold - but the truth is I've not been - instead I've acted in fear - I've allowed fear to grow in my heart - and when fear grows - faith is diminished - you see, these two, fear and faith - they can't be roommates.
Stepping out from a job, that was so much more than a job was so difficult - but I was sure that the Lord was calling me out of it and in to something new. Why shouldn't I have realized that the new would also be incredibly challenging?
I've been with Dare Ministries about two months now - and it's been amazing to see the Lord work. Getting things lined up and growing has been so amazing! Seeing the opportunities we have to make an impact in our community is both a blessing and an incredible challenge.
A few weeks after I joined Dare, we held our Recharge Conference. Each year we host two conferences - one in the first quarter of the year, and one in the third quarter. The Recharge Conference was a big success - we didn't have the number of students attend we had hoped for - but we did have solid teaching from the Word - and some great follow up questions from the teens at the end of the conference.
One of the things that really stuck out to me during this conference was the need for the vision and mission of Dare. I already believed there was a need for what we do - or I'd not have signed up - but talking with the teens showed me that they're struggling. Many are a part of good churches and good youth groups - but some still fall through the cracks. So that's our role, to stand in the gap. To come alongside youth pastors and parents in a partnership of love to help young people grow in grace and truth.
The point of this blog isn't only to share what I'm doing - but to also share how I'm doing. And honestly these past two months have been hard. I knew it would be going in to it - but I didn't adequately prepare myself for the spiritual warfare that would come with this new beginning. I've been attacked again and again with discouragements, doubts, and loneliness.
The lies that come to me are so subtle that they feel like my own thoughts... doubts - "what am I doing?" ... "should I really be going down this path?" ... "what if I'm never able to raise my support?" ... and it's in the answers to these questions that the lies slip in... "this isn't the right path for you" "you were hasty in your decision" (I wasn't - I prayed so much over this) "you can't really do this by yourself" (well - that one is actually TRUE! I'm also not supposed to do this by myself! But I do find myself attempting in my own strength at times)
discouragement - "you can't do this alone" "you're not equipped to do this" oh - and my personal favorites.. "people think you're an imposter!" and "why don't you go get a *real* job??" When these attacking and condemning thoughts come to my mind, I'm sad to admit that sometimes I don't immediately kick them out. Sometimes I wonder if they're right....
I wonder if I am crazy for stepping out of a position I'd been building in for five years... If I was foolish to leave a "safe" place to embark into the unknown... I wonder if my support will ever be fully raised - and I let doubt rent a room in my heart...
Other times when these thoughts come I do what I *know* I should do - I submit to God and "take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ" then I resist the devil - I *choose* to mediate on the truth! I wish I could tell you that the latter occurred more than the former - but the past couple of weeks have been difficult.
I shared this with my faith community a few weeks ago and I'll share it here too - I've never dealt with such intense bouts of doubt and discouragement, and such deep loneliness like I have over the past five years since I embarked into full time ministry. And while those valleys have felt long and deep I have also learned a great truth.
Players on the bench never take a hit ... but they also don't help win the game.
The attacks come because God is using me! This is God's game and He is the one who calls the shots.
I just need to obey - I need to follow through on the plays He instructs. This doesn't mean I won't get hit - in fact my obedience increases the chances - but there's a reason football players wear pads. Yes, I know the pads don't stop the hit from coming - they do cushion the blow.
It reminds me of Ephesians 6 - "Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil." We're in a war - not a physical one, as the next verse explains - but we're in the battle for our minds, a battle for souls - and you want to know the Good News?
We win.
The point is this, I must step forward in obedience - even in the difficult or uncomfortable things. And when I do step forward into the unknown, when I do choose to believe the truth and react the lies, that's when I realize I wasn't stepping alone. Jesus was right beside me the whole time - but just like Peter - I can't look at my Jesus and the threatening waves at the same time.
So today I choose Jesus. I choose truth. I choose to obey. And I choose to trust that the Lord who led me here will continue to provide. Because He promised He would.
Thanks for following in along. Would love to hear what challenges you're facing and how I can be praying for you. -on that note: I've recently begun reading "The Circle Maker" (a book about prayer) and I'm excited to see what God will do as I begin praying more boldly - but more on that next time.
Love & prayers,
Sarah
Stepping out from a job, that was so much more than a job was so difficult - but I was sure that the Lord was calling me out of it and in to something new. Why shouldn't I have realized that the new would also be incredibly challenging?
I've been with Dare Ministries about two months now - and it's been amazing to see the Lord work. Getting things lined up and growing has been so amazing! Seeing the opportunities we have to make an impact in our community is both a blessing and an incredible challenge.
A few weeks after I joined Dare, we held our Recharge Conference. Each year we host two conferences - one in the first quarter of the year, and one in the third quarter. The Recharge Conference was a big success - we didn't have the number of students attend we had hoped for - but we did have solid teaching from the Word - and some great follow up questions from the teens at the end of the conference.
One of the things that really stuck out to me during this conference was the need for the vision and mission of Dare. I already believed there was a need for what we do - or I'd not have signed up - but talking with the teens showed me that they're struggling. Many are a part of good churches and good youth groups - but some still fall through the cracks. So that's our role, to stand in the gap. To come alongside youth pastors and parents in a partnership of love to help young people grow in grace and truth.
The point of this blog isn't only to share what I'm doing - but to also share how I'm doing. And honestly these past two months have been hard. I knew it would be going in to it - but I didn't adequately prepare myself for the spiritual warfare that would come with this new beginning. I've been attacked again and again with discouragements, doubts, and loneliness.
The lies that come to me are so subtle that they feel like my own thoughts... doubts - "what am I doing?" ... "should I really be going down this path?" ... "what if I'm never able to raise my support?" ... and it's in the answers to these questions that the lies slip in... "this isn't the right path for you" "you were hasty in your decision" (I wasn't - I prayed so much over this) "you can't really do this by yourself" (well - that one is actually TRUE! I'm also not supposed to do this by myself! But I do find myself attempting in my own strength at times)
discouragement - "you can't do this alone" "you're not equipped to do this" oh - and my personal favorites.. "people think you're an imposter!" and "why don't you go get a *real* job??" When these attacking and condemning thoughts come to my mind, I'm sad to admit that sometimes I don't immediately kick them out. Sometimes I wonder if they're right....
I wonder if I am crazy for stepping out of a position I'd been building in for five years... If I was foolish to leave a "safe" place to embark into the unknown... I wonder if my support will ever be fully raised - and I let doubt rent a room in my heart...
Other times when these thoughts come I do what I *know* I should do - I submit to God and "take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ" then I resist the devil - I *choose* to mediate on the truth! I wish I could tell you that the latter occurred more than the former - but the past couple of weeks have been difficult.
I shared this with my faith community a few weeks ago and I'll share it here too - I've never dealt with such intense bouts of doubt and discouragement, and such deep loneliness like I have over the past five years since I embarked into full time ministry. And while those valleys have felt long and deep I have also learned a great truth.
Players on the bench never take a hit ... but they also don't help win the game.
The attacks come because God is using me! This is God's game and He is the one who calls the shots.
I just need to obey - I need to follow through on the plays He instructs. This doesn't mean I won't get hit - in fact my obedience increases the chances - but there's a reason football players wear pads. Yes, I know the pads don't stop the hit from coming - they do cushion the blow.
It reminds me of Ephesians 6 - "Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil." We're in a war - not a physical one, as the next verse explains - but we're in the battle for our minds, a battle for souls - and you want to know the Good News?
We win.
The point is this, I must step forward in obedience - even in the difficult or uncomfortable things. And when I do step forward into the unknown, when I do choose to believe the truth and react the lies, that's when I realize I wasn't stepping alone. Jesus was right beside me the whole time - but just like Peter - I can't look at my Jesus and the threatening waves at the same time.
So today I choose Jesus. I choose truth. I choose to obey. And I choose to trust that the Lord who led me here will continue to provide. Because He promised He would.
Thanks for following in along. Would love to hear what challenges you're facing and how I can be praying for you. -on that note: I've recently begun reading "The Circle Maker" (a book about prayer) and I'm excited to see what God will do as I begin praying more boldly - but more on that next time.
Love & prayers,
Sarah
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