Why I Decided to Lead a Bible Study about Sex
Two Summers ago, I led a college-age women's bible study about sex.
In my experience growing up, I did not receive a wholistic approach to a biblical sexual ethic, especially relating to how I, as a single woman, could and should honor God with my sexuality. What I did receive was talks about "emotional purity," and instructions like "wait until marriage," and "guard your heart." While these are good things to instruct, a lack of a more wholistic and biblical approach left me needlessly struggles with things for much longer than necessary.
But, because I didn't know how to get out of it, or who I could trust to ask for help, I struggled with lust, sexual fantasy, and masturbation for too long with no victory. But, because I was also taught that there was real actual victory over sin in Christ, I pursued the Scripture, hoping in them to find the power to win in this battle for holiness. I memorized verses, studied passages about holiness, and tried to understand why I turned to these sins as a coping mechanism when life was hard. (the answer to that last one is post all it's own...) The efforts I took did produce some results, but I still struggled to maintain victory. On some level I was still a slave to sin.
I know now that I was trying to do a lot of the work out of my own strength instead of standing on the truth about who I am in Jesus Christ, and relying on the Holy Spirit for power. Eventually I came across two books that were game changers for me. The Bondage Breaker by Dr. Neil T. Anderson, and Christian Cosmo by Phylicia Mashonheimer were so life-giving for me. Not the words of the authors, but the truths about Jesus and my identity that they unlocked.
The Bondage Breaker helped me finally realize the truth of my TRUE identity in Christ, and Christian Cosmo helped me put it all together to form a wholistic biblical approach to sexuality. And once I had found this freedom and began walking in it, I couldn't help but share it with girls from the college group over coffee or in chats with other friends. And I found it everywhere, people telling me no one was talking about these things. To my sadness, but not surprise, there were girls in the college group I volunteered with (at that time) who had never had anyone have these honest conversations with them.
After a while, the Lord began to lay a burden on my heart to share this truth in a more formal and broad manner. So the Summer of 2018 I led a bible study about biblical sexuality, using as a reference Phyicia Masonheimer’s, “Christian Cosmo.” The other aspect we studied was identity, and how our sexuality is an important aspect of our identity, not a thing to to be worshipped (like the world), or ignored (like the church does until you're married), but to be celebrated in all its stages as a gift from God and a way to worship Him.
When I first led the study, there were girls in that circle whose eyes grew wide as we talked, who sat with pencils poised to take notes... no one had taken the time to share these things with them. I’m not writing this to shame mothers, Lord knows there’s enough of that going on in the social media realm these days. The point is, the Lord had challenged me to address a topic no one had really addressed with me… and it showed that no one had addressed this (from a wholistic Biblical standpoint) with many young women still. With the rise of the #metoo and #churchtoo movements over the years, and this topic is being discussed more, and the truth of what God says is coming out! And I praise God for that! But I still find that there are many young Christian women who are ill-prepared to combat the world in this arena with anything other than Christian platitudes about purity and waiting.
Purity is holiness and holiness is purity. Look at the laws handed down from God in the Old Testament and this is clear. It is impossible to be holy in life, without also being pure in your sexual ethic. You can't walk with God in one area and not the other. Now, this is not to say that you can't struggle in your sexuality and walk in holiness... but that if there is no real struggle, you're content living with hidden sin, well I'll share with you what my mother always told me as a child... "Be sure your sin will find you out." God always sees, and he will always bring it to the forefront of your conscience if you're trying to walk with Him.
The following definition of purity is what I share with the college girls I disciple...
This is what the Lord's been teaching me. Biblical sexuality is wholistic. The answer is always Jesus. Feels too simple? That's because it is. God is not cruel and trying to make us find out the secret to a godly life... it says in 2 Peter 1 that God has granted us everything we need for life and godliness through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. And who reveals the Father to us? The Son. Jesus.
If you need a resource on this topic for yourself or someone else, you can find Phylicia's book here.* If you need a resource on your identity in Christ, this book* was transformational for me.
If you need prayer, please don't hesitate to reach out!
Blessings,
Sarah Lou
*These are not affiliate links - I do not earn a commission on any purchase made through these links. I am simply sharing what has blessed and helped me.
In my experience growing up, I did not receive a wholistic approach to a biblical sexual ethic, especially relating to how I, as a single woman, could and should honor God with my sexuality. What I did receive was talks about "emotional purity," and instructions like "wait until marriage," and "guard your heart." While these are good things to instruct, a lack of a more wholistic and biblical approach left me needlessly struggles with things for much longer than necessary.
But, because I didn't know how to get out of it, or who I could trust to ask for help, I struggled with lust, sexual fantasy, and masturbation for too long with no victory. But, because I was also taught that there was real actual victory over sin in Christ, I pursued the Scripture, hoping in them to find the power to win in this battle for holiness. I memorized verses, studied passages about holiness, and tried to understand why I turned to these sins as a coping mechanism when life was hard. (the answer to that last one is post all it's own...) The efforts I took did produce some results, but I still struggled to maintain victory. On some level I was still a slave to sin.
I know now that I was trying to do a lot of the work out of my own strength instead of standing on the truth about who I am in Jesus Christ, and relying on the Holy Spirit for power. Eventually I came across two books that were game changers for me. The Bondage Breaker by Dr. Neil T. Anderson, and Christian Cosmo by Phylicia Mashonheimer were so life-giving for me. Not the words of the authors, but the truths about Jesus and my identity that they unlocked.
The Bondage Breaker helped me finally realize the truth of my TRUE identity in Christ, and Christian Cosmo helped me put it all together to form a wholistic biblical approach to sexuality. And once I had found this freedom and began walking in it, I couldn't help but share it with girls from the college group over coffee or in chats with other friends. And I found it everywhere, people telling me no one was talking about these things. To my sadness, but not surprise, there were girls in the college group I volunteered with (at that time) who had never had anyone have these honest conversations with them.
After a while, the Lord began to lay a burden on my heart to share this truth in a more formal and broad manner. So the Summer of 2018 I led a bible study about biblical sexuality, using as a reference Phyicia Masonheimer’s, “Christian Cosmo.” The other aspect we studied was identity, and how our sexuality is an important aspect of our identity, not a thing to to be worshipped (like the world), or ignored (like the church does until you're married), but to be celebrated in all its stages as a gift from God and a way to worship Him.
When I first led the study, there were girls in that circle whose eyes grew wide as we talked, who sat with pencils poised to take notes... no one had taken the time to share these things with them. I’m not writing this to shame mothers, Lord knows there’s enough of that going on in the social media realm these days. The point is, the Lord had challenged me to address a topic no one had really addressed with me… and it showed that no one had addressed this (from a wholistic Biblical standpoint) with many young women still. With the rise of the #metoo and #churchtoo movements over the years, and this topic is being discussed more, and the truth of what God says is coming out! And I praise God for that! But I still find that there are many young Christian women who are ill-prepared to combat the world in this arena with anything other than Christian platitudes about purity and waiting.
Purity is holiness and holiness is purity. Look at the laws handed down from God in the Old Testament and this is clear. It is impossible to be holy in life, without also being pure in your sexual ethic. You can't walk with God in one area and not the other. Now, this is not to say that you can't struggle in your sexuality and walk in holiness... but that if there is no real struggle, you're content living with hidden sin, well I'll share with you what my mother always told me as a child... "Be sure your sin will find you out." God always sees, and he will always bring it to the forefront of your conscience if you're trying to walk with Him.
The following definition of purity is what I share with the college girls I disciple...
"Choosing to actively pursue holiness in sexuality and
all areas of life through relationship with Jesus."
This is what the Lord's been teaching me. Biblical sexuality is wholistic. The answer is always Jesus. Feels too simple? That's because it is. God is not cruel and trying to make us find out the secret to a godly life... it says in 2 Peter 1 that God has granted us everything we need for life and godliness through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. And who reveals the Father to us? The Son. Jesus.
If you need a resource on this topic for yourself or someone else, you can find Phylicia's book here.* If you need a resource on your identity in Christ, this book* was transformational for me.
If you need prayer, please don't hesitate to reach out!
Blessings,
Sarah Lou
*These are not affiliate links - I do not earn a commission on any purchase made through these links. I am simply sharing what has blessed and helped me.
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