'Modest is Hottest' Is A Lie

 There's a new song out by Matthew West, supposedly it's a "parody" but the message is still harmful. The song's called "Modest is Hottest" and it's honestly the worst parts of purity culture wrapped into one sickening "cutesy" song. (edited to add that he has now taken down the video and apologized.) 

While there's many issues with the lyrics, I'm gonna focus on the title,  and one of the lines in the song. My dear friend, Lissa Ford, has already written poignantly on this song as well - check out her words here.

I'll be addressing these two lines:

//Modest is Hottest//

//What the boys really love is a turtleneck and a sensible pair of slacks// 

First of all, this purity culture slogan tried to make its debut when I was in high school, it was weird then, and it's even weirder now.

'Modest is hottest,' is a lie. One of the biggest deceptions with this phrase is that it has two conflicting motivations. To fully understand this conflict, we first have to understand what it means to be 'modest.'

Modest - seems like a biblical word - so let's take a look at what the Bible has to say…

1 Timothy 2:9-10 is one of the verses most often brought up in this conversation. 

"Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works."

Did you know that this word isn't talking at all about how covered you are or aren’t? This word is talking about an attitude about how you dress. The women in that church were having issues because the wealthy women were flaunting their money in how they dressed and fixed up their hair. This wasn't about how much skin was showing. Modestly was about not flaunting wealth. Modesty and self control are attitudes of the heart. 

Modesty = G127 = aidos = a sense of honor, reverence, respect

Seeking to be 'hot' in the eyes of the world is not only a futile pursuit, it's also not at all what we should be telling our young girls and women to pursue. 

Being 'hot' is about being physically attractive and appealing sexually to men. 

Do you see how these two things cannot go hand in hand??

This brings me to my next and very closely related point…

Girls and women DO NOT need to worry about what "boys (or men) really love" 

You're still making the motivation to be "modest" about pleasing dudes. 

Which is just gross.

Women are NOT the gatekeepers of sex or sexuality. Our motivation to how we live in ANY area of life needs to be intimacy with Jesus. 

To the women and girls who may have already internalized this message, your life is not about pleasing men. Full stop. 

It's about being the wonderful person God created you to be. Nothing more, nothing less. 

If no one has told you yet, you are enough. You don't need a man to complete you. Christ completes us. Period. 

I internalized this message when I was young because I didn't know any better. I spent far too many years trying to become 'a woman a man would love' instead of becoming the woman God made me to be; powerful, brave, and compassionate. This message messed me up for many years. 

Why wasn't I told that sexual purity is actually about honoring  God? The motivation for not having sex before marriage was twisted - it became 'don’t have sex before marriage so your married sex will be better' or 'sex before marriage is gross and sinful'  - why not talk about how good God's gift of marriage and sex are - how it's a picture of deep intimacy - why not talk about how being single is just as good as being married? Why not talk about singleness as the default and not as a terrible waiting room we all have to survive?? 

Ladies, in case no one told you - you don't have to get married. It's not the 'end all, be all' of life goals or accomplishments.

God's design for sex is good. But we're too busy telling girls and women that they need to "help protect their brothers in Christ" or that they need to be sure "not to be a stumbling block to a brother."

Gross.

People are responsible for their own thoughts and actions. Period.

Women are not the gatekeepers of sex. Women and girls need not be concerned with "what boys really love." 

The motivation for how I dress each day is neither to please men or to be hottest. 

My motivation for dressing each day is what is comfortable, what is pleasing to me, and what I enjoy wearing. 

I don't even think much about being modest. 

If that second part concerns you - here's why: I don't have to think about being modest daily when I'm seeking deeper relationship with my Jesus. It's really not about what goes on my body - it's about what goes into my heart. If I'm walking with Jesus, He'll talk to me about what I'm wearing and if it's a problem or not. Or He'll just tell me wear something fun, because He wants me to enjoy my clothes. (Which he has done before) 

And that's that. 

Modest is Hottest is lie.

As a daughter of the King of Kings, my identity is secure - I don't seek to be hottest by the world's standards and I don't seek to be modest by the church's standards. I seek Jesus and let my relationship with Him alone inform what I wear. 

But honestly, Jesus cares wayyy more about what's in our hearts than what's on our bodies.

Peace & love,

Lou