Listening & Letting Go
Last week was my last at IM. After Five years, the Lord has called me to step away and focus on local ministry in Colorado Springs. But - before I get too much into that, I'd like to share with you the process that took place over the past three months.
Three months ago, when I returned from Egypt at the end of September, I hit a wall. Jet-lagged and weary from the travel, I fell into a funk. There was no joy in my day to day activities. Now, I loved the job I had with IM - the mission of helping the least of these - giving needy kids and their families a hand-up (including sharing the Gospel and connecting them with a local church) I wholly believed in, and it's been my privileged to be a part of it... but last fall something broke. I had been pushing myself too hard, giving too much away, and not spending the time needed with the Lord to receive the soul rest He promises in Matthew 11:28-30. I didn't see a way out from the darkness. I was reading the Word and seeking the Lord in prayer when I could, but most days I couldn't muster the energy and the deep soul-weariness I felt just kept getting worse.
I shared all this with my office manager, and eventually my boss. They were understanding, but didn't have solutions for me. But how could they? Only the Lord could bring me out of where I was.
Finally, at the end of November I asked my boss for some time. Time to rest, to seek the Lord, to pray, and recover. I was asked in that meeting if I was going to come back to IM after this time of rest, and I couldn't say what would happen either way. I didn't want to stop working in my position, yet the thought of continuing as I was, was simply too much for me to handle... it made me want to run and hide, or buy a one way ticket to Europe...
During my time of rest in December, the Lord began giving me soul-rest. Gently, He was drawing me to Himself day by day. I spent more dedicated time in prayer and reading the Word and I was reading through Ann Voskamp's advent book, 'The Greatest Gift.' Each day Jesus met me within the pages. As I sipped my tea and read this book, Jesus brought me back to life. Sometimes we just need to sit in our pain and brokenness and just be... "be still and know that I am God..." Just be and listen for the Lord's voice. I took solace in Matthew 11:28-30, Psalm 62:5-8, Psalm 34:18, Psalm 73:23-26, Psalm 126:5-6, Psalm 128:1-2, and Isaiah 26:3-4.
This was a time of stillness for me, of un-hurrying, of saying 'no' to the rushing and anxious thoughts, of rejecting the guilt I felt for taking the time; often quoting Romans 8:1 - "For there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
During this time, the Lord slowly and gently began to lead me to consider stepping away from IM, and lay on my heart the call to step into something else. As He gently called me, the big question in front of me, and admittedly the logical one, was, "What would I do next??" I didn't have an answer for that. But yet, He called me out. One night as I was praying over this potential step away and asking God what He wanted me to do next, to show me exactly what I'd be doing if I'm not serving with IM - He simply laid the following verse on my heart...
"The Lord said to Abram, 'Go from your country, your people and your father's household to the land I will show you.'" Genesis 12:1
Five years ago when I moved to CO to work with IM, I was filled with fear - there were so many unknowns - I only knew three people in the State - but mostly I now believe the fear was simply the evil one trying to get me to play it safe.
When I felt God calling me out of IM, to something new that He would show me, I was filled with fear again - fear of the unknown, of being questioned, of leaving a position I've loved - But five years ago when I almost let fear stand in the way of God's call, I determined to never again make a decision based on fear.
So when fear came knocking this time, I'd like to say I didn't invite it to stay - but for a bit, I did. Until that night when the Lord brought Genesis 12:1 to mind, I'd invited fear in and it was making itself at home. When the Spirit spoke that verse to my heart, He also convicted me. I was living in fear instead of walking by faith. So that night, I purposed in my heart to obey the Lord's leading, to let go of fear, and to step out in faith. God was faithful to lead & provide five years ago - and I know He will continue to faithfully lead and provide in the days ahead.
It was only when I had submitted to the Lord's leading to step away, that He then began revealing the new direction for me. As I shared in my previous post, I'm excited to be focusing on using my gifts fully for the Lord in impacting the next generation with information that will lead to transformation.
So, I turned in my resignation letter - something I never thought I would do - and I finished up my time with IM last week. I'm so thankful for the Lord's leading and direction in my life, and for so many who have encouraged me and stood with me along the way.
Stay tuned - in the coming days I'll be sharing more as things fall into place. Step by step, walking in obedience.
Thank you for your prayers and standing with me in ministry - I'm excited to see what the Lord will do this year!
God's adventure is out there!
Love,
Sarah Lou
Three months ago, when I returned from Egypt at the end of September, I hit a wall. Jet-lagged and weary from the travel, I fell into a funk. There was no joy in my day to day activities. Now, I loved the job I had with IM - the mission of helping the least of these - giving needy kids and their families a hand-up (including sharing the Gospel and connecting them with a local church) I wholly believed in, and it's been my privileged to be a part of it... but last fall something broke. I had been pushing myself too hard, giving too much away, and not spending the time needed with the Lord to receive the soul rest He promises in Matthew 11:28-30. I didn't see a way out from the darkness. I was reading the Word and seeking the Lord in prayer when I could, but most days I couldn't muster the energy and the deep soul-weariness I felt just kept getting worse.
I shared all this with my office manager, and eventually my boss. They were understanding, but didn't have solutions for me. But how could they? Only the Lord could bring me out of where I was.
Finally, at the end of November I asked my boss for some time. Time to rest, to seek the Lord, to pray, and recover. I was asked in that meeting if I was going to come back to IM after this time of rest, and I couldn't say what would happen either way. I didn't want to stop working in my position, yet the thought of continuing as I was, was simply too much for me to handle... it made me want to run and hide, or buy a one way ticket to Europe...
During my time of rest in December, the Lord began giving me soul-rest. Gently, He was drawing me to Himself day by day. I spent more dedicated time in prayer and reading the Word and I was reading through Ann Voskamp's advent book, 'The Greatest Gift.' Each day Jesus met me within the pages. As I sipped my tea and read this book, Jesus brought me back to life. Sometimes we just need to sit in our pain and brokenness and just be... "be still and know that I am God..." Just be and listen for the Lord's voice. I took solace in Matthew 11:28-30, Psalm 62:5-8, Psalm 34:18, Psalm 73:23-26, Psalm 126:5-6, Psalm 128:1-2, and Isaiah 26:3-4.
This was a time of stillness for me, of un-hurrying, of saying 'no' to the rushing and anxious thoughts, of rejecting the guilt I felt for taking the time; often quoting Romans 8:1 - "For there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
During this time, the Lord slowly and gently began to lead me to consider stepping away from IM, and lay on my heart the call to step into something else. As He gently called me, the big question in front of me, and admittedly the logical one, was, "What would I do next??" I didn't have an answer for that. But yet, He called me out. One night as I was praying over this potential step away and asking God what He wanted me to do next, to show me exactly what I'd be doing if I'm not serving with IM - He simply laid the following verse on my heart...
"The Lord said to Abram, 'Go from your country, your people and your father's household to the land I will show you.'" Genesis 12:1
Five years ago when I moved to CO to work with IM, I was filled with fear - there were so many unknowns - I only knew three people in the State - but mostly I now believe the fear was simply the evil one trying to get me to play it safe.
When I felt God calling me out of IM, to something new that He would show me, I was filled with fear again - fear of the unknown, of being questioned, of leaving a position I've loved - But five years ago when I almost let fear stand in the way of God's call, I determined to never again make a decision based on fear.
So when fear came knocking this time, I'd like to say I didn't invite it to stay - but for a bit, I did. Until that night when the Lord brought Genesis 12:1 to mind, I'd invited fear in and it was making itself at home. When the Spirit spoke that verse to my heart, He also convicted me. I was living in fear instead of walking by faith. So that night, I purposed in my heart to obey the Lord's leading, to let go of fear, and to step out in faith. God was faithful to lead & provide five years ago - and I know He will continue to faithfully lead and provide in the days ahead.
It was only when I had submitted to the Lord's leading to step away, that He then began revealing the new direction for me. As I shared in my previous post, I'm excited to be focusing on using my gifts fully for the Lord in impacting the next generation with information that will lead to transformation.
So, I turned in my resignation letter - something I never thought I would do - and I finished up my time with IM last week. I'm so thankful for the Lord's leading and direction in my life, and for so many who have encouraged me and stood with me along the way.
Stay tuned - in the coming days I'll be sharing more as things fall into place. Step by step, walking in obedience.
Thank you for your prayers and standing with me in ministry - I'm excited to see what the Lord will do this year!
God's adventure is out there!
Love,
Sarah Lou
Comments
Post a Comment